great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
