If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
