can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
