After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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