Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
