Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
