Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
