No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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