While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
