Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize