i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I'm passing your future prison.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
