my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Randomize
