thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
