Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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