he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
