so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
