the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
