you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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