dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
