i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
