Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize