Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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