I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
