Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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