Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
