Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
