her vagine was all disorganized.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize