for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize