So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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