My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
