Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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