So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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