but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
All the doctor said was why
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
