the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Randomize
