Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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