You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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