If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
