He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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