Don't make out with my wife yet
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
