dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
