***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Randomize
