i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
