She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
