Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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