Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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