Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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