i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
