Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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