Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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