it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
time to smoke my breakfast
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
