you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
