Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
