she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
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