I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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