I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
