I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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