OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
