Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
