I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
