My sheets look like a crime scene.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize