Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
