Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
