Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
