What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
