I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize